Notes on forgiveness…

This is a reflection post. Photos will be forthcoming of the work happening during this process.

I have been overwhelmed with everything I’ve been working on, from art history to studio work, to teaching, to my coffeeshop job…  I have also not been prioritizing time well.  I could make all kinds of excuses, but really, it comes down to priorities, and the fact that I have always held myself to in-achievable standards.  This, in and of itself, has been a huge and meaningful experience for me.

To have always held this ideal of myself as the ivory tower of my existence, and having beat myself senseless in the face of “failure” has not been helpful.  And I say “failure” because I am not failing, but I am not living up to the standard that I set for myself, which is basically “Be The Superhero, Or Shut Up And Go Home”.  But you can’t just shut up and go home when you’re in school.

I have been working with a student in the classes that I teach with exactly this same set of tangles.  It has been invaluable to me in my efforts at success in my Grad School program, which makes me humbled and grateful that I can do these two things at the same time, and see the results immediately.

So, this semester, as I soldier on, aiming as high as I can, I am learning to be kind to myself, the same thing that I have told my student.  Aim high, do the most you can do, but be kind to yourself when you don’t measure up to some impossible standard you measure yourself by.  Forgive yourself for being the person you are, and move forward.  It doesn’t mean you can’t do better, or won’t do better, it just means allow yourself the grace to find your new and real best.

So, blessings upon everyone for doing their real best, regardless of outside or inside voices. Power. On.

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